AND THE VEGANS TRY TO PRETEND TO BE OMNIVORES... WITH A FAKE DOUBLE DOWN!

Okay, we get it.

You are just above it all. Sooooo very evolved.

You drive hybrid cars (a huge environmental catastrophe waiting to happen due to the chemical bombs in the form of hundreds of pounds of batteries, and the mining and industrial chemical processes required to create the materials for the batteries).

You use Apple computers, because you hate corporate America. Somehow, you think that Apple isn't a corporation, and you think that they actually give a shit about you.

You wear shoes made of leather, but eating anything made from animals or animal products is completely out of the question.

If you don't wear shoes made of leather, they are made of plastics, which are destroying the environment at a rather fast pace.

You use endangered plants for your Chinese herbal "remedies" (magical thinking), even though the marketing and consumption of these plants could lead to their extinction, and subsequent regional ecological system collapse where said plants are "harvested" (indiscriminately butchered).

But seriously... do you need to pretend to be normal SO BADLY that you had to make a VEGAN VERSION OF THE DOUBLE DOWN SANDWICH????

Sweet Christ on a sled. I mean, really. This has got to be the most ridiculous attempt at being normal that I have ever seen.

This "sandwich" is frightening. I am sure that it tastes like dirt, just like every other fake meat product that is on the market. If meat is disgusting, and if meat is wrong, then why make PRETEND VERSIONS OF IT?

All vegans CRAVE MEAT. They ALL do. Here's a little anecdote for you.

I was at a friend's house for a party. His wife was a "strict vegan", and was very whiny and hoity-toity about it at all times. She was constantly making gross-out faces at all meat products, and telling everyone during the party (and in her everyday life) about the evils of meat, and how disgusting it was, and how "meat is murder". She wouldn't shut up about it.

My friend (her husband) brought in an Elk roast. It was GORGEOUS. A friend of his had brought it for the party. My friend seasoned the roast, baked it, and brought it out onto the counter for carving.

It smelled INSANELY DELICIOUS. He cut into it, and juice started running onto to the cutting board. He left it on the counter for people to carve pieces off of it and enjoy with whatever breads and vegetables (all organic, of course) that they chose.

The whole time, she was saying, "Oh JESUS, that smells... it looks so AWFUL, how can you eat that? There's BLOOD ALL OVER MY COUNTER!!! It's LIKE EATING A PERSON!!!", and generally making everyone miserable. I am sure you strict, witch-burning vegans are familiar with the diatribe. Her husband and I left the kitchen, and hung out for a while in the front yard.

We went back to get another helping of Elk roast... we walked into the kitchen... and there was his wife, alone in the kitchen... WITH A BIG SLICE OF ELK ROAST IN HER FUCKING MOUTH!!!

She turned VERY red, threw the rest of the huge slice she was eating onto the cutting board, and walked quickly out of the kitchen without saying a word. Of course, her husband and I were standing there, looking at her with faces full of sheer glee and amazement that this whining hippie jackass had been crying about "murder", "killing", "blood", "EATING PEOPLE", and other miscellaneous horse shit... and the whole time, she had been DROOLING for a moment alone so that she could get her hands on a slice of that Elk roast without anyone seeing her!!!

The fact that vegans make "pretend" meat products, and the story above, prove to me that vegans all CRAVE meat... they all NEED meat... but they are so afraid of what their Mac-using hippie friends will say, they won't (publicly) give in to their desire for meat.

Vegans, I call on you to face the truth... The Double Down Sandwich is calling to you... it drips grease to tempt you... the bacon hidden inside its golden-fried breast fillets is irresistible...

Get one, and don't be a hypocrite... eat it right in front of everyone! Be your own person! But most importantly, BE HONEST... although I don't think that most vegans are capable of it.

Until our next post... DOUBLE DOWN!